This post is part of a paid sponsorship with Ferring Pharmaceuticals, but this journey, story, and all opinions are my own.
As I shared, David and I are OVERJOYED to be expecting our first child. This pregnancy has been dreamt of, wished for, and frankly, pursued with persistence. I’m normally pretty emotional, but each moment of joy, whether getting that first positive test, seeing the little blob on an early ultrasound, telling a friend or family member, manages to bring me to tears. You see, for a long time we thought adoption would be our path to a family, that I’d be unable to have children naturally, so every pregnancy milestone celebration is exceptionally sweet, an experience I never thought I’d get to have myself. Grab a cup of tea or wine, this story starts a long time ago.
I was a micropreemie, and the last girl in my high school class to hit puberty and start menstruating. Fertility issues are pretty much a family hallmark, so it’s hard to say I was surprised when my gynecologist told me at 20 that I’d likely struggle to conceive and carry a baby to term. I’m always one to champion positive thinking, but science trumped that the first time I saw the ultrasound. A uterus populated by fibroids, benign cysts, didn’t seem like it would be the most conducive to a little life.
Some would say I’m a little bit agro, but I prefer to say I like to deal with situations head on… even awkward and intimidating ones. So, even though David and I were just a pair of crazy college kids, and had only been together for a little more than a year, I sat him down for a chitter chat about our future. Essentially, I laid out for him that should we be together long term, having kids through natural conception could be difficult, expensive, or impossible. If that was to be a deal breaker for him, I gently invited him to hit the road, because que sera sera. Much like he responds to most bombs launched his way, David was unfazed. He was open to being a family to a child that already needed one.
So on we went, through dating and drama, a period of a cross-continental relationship, an engagement, a raucous family wedding, and several years of working on ourselves, our marriage, and our careers before we felt comfortable pulling the birth control goalie and starting to try for a family. I’d be lying if I said that the waiting game wasn’t sometimes stressful- knowing conceiving would be harder than average, I was anxious to get started and/or get the disappointment over with.
And when we did start trying, we went full throttle. I did all the “right things:” prenatals, read all the books, tracked my cycle, used ovulation test strips by the handful, and did every silly old wives tale someone told me had helped them get pregnant. And while the act of trying was fun, the negative pregnancy tests, though not unexpected, were devastating.
Knowing that I likely had fertility issues, I was ready to make an appointment with a reproductive specialist- it’s suggested after six months of trying if you are 35+, or a year if under 35. And in the meantime, it seemed like everyone and their momma managed to get pregnant, without even trying, while I just… couldn’t, didn’t. I was lucky to have some girlfriends also walking the path of infertility, because it is hard, and lonely, and bitter, and having someone to commiserate with manages to make it suck just a little bit less.
But to be transparent, it was so, so frustrating. And isolating. One of the things I found especially tough. was that though I read other people’s infertility stories, I couldn’t relate to lots of them. While I understand that many people are Christian and find solace in religion, David and I are Jewish, so being told it was “g-d’s will” just didn’t soothe me in any way. We value facts over faith, and I had to really look hard to find people whose beliefs aligned with ours.
If you are struggling with feeling alone on this, there are great resources on the internet. My Fertility Navigator has advice from professionals, answers to questions, and guidance for whatever path to a family you find yourself on. Also, they’re holding a contest to give away an all inclusive weekend getaway for two to the Miraval Arizona Resort & Spa to one lucky couple who visits the site (right here), and shares their fertility story. And this month they are raising money \ for RESOLVE: the National Infertility Association, by donating a dollar for every social media post shared with #TalkAboutTrying. There is strength in numbers.
We’re lucky that our fertility story meandered to a happy ending- it doesn’t escape me that many, many couples are not so lucky. And it is true that the darkest time is before the dawn- I felt so fortunate to cancel the appointment I’d made to see the reproductive specialist when I finally got that positive test.
And to be honest, I didn’t believe it- I’d gotten negative tests for three days in a row before I got my first positive, so I just couldn’t process. I took a handful of tests right in a row before it started to sink in, and believe. We already love this little baby so much- I can’t wait for September.
love, Ravayna
[flower field photos by Kate Hauschka]
